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FDA Reconsiders Morning-After Pill, Now Renamed Marriage-After Pill

After years of delay, the FDA plans once again to reconsider the over-the-counter sales of the controversial Morning-After Pill, which the manufacturer has, due to the extensive passage of time, now renamed the Marriage-After Pill.

Ready access to the pill, which has been available by prescription, has been so long in the approval process that many women have already given up on the hope that it would be conveniently available and have decided to wait until they’re certain they’re pregnant and then decide either to have an abortion or to get married, depending on how they feel about the man who enkindled their egg.

The FDA, aware of the transformation in society, defended its repeatedly delayed decision by stating, “When and if approve the morning-after whatever pill without a prescription, we assume that, while a great number of women who might have opted for a quickie OTC remedy will have gotten an abortion or gotten married, in fact, that some of them have already become, not only mothers, but grandmothers, there will still be some nubile women out there who will consider the utility of the convenience.”

The FDA contends that the major sticking point is agreement on the age at which parental consent is required for a woman to walk into a drugstore and buy the remedy. The admittedly optimistic manufacturer suggested age 16, but the more stringent FDA proposed a significantly more mature age, that is, 50.

When a reporter suggested that OTC purchase would be even more of a help to a desperate women when she’s as young as the age at which pregnancy can occur, the FDA spokesman replied, “While we realize that youth has its plights, we must view the needs of society at large and are looking toward an age for parental approval more in keeping with the norms of the conservative movement in American society, that is, the freedom to purchase the product without parental consent anytime after the age of 50. Since very few women get pregnant at this age, approval also comes with the assurance that nobody will actually buy it. So, while we expect some flak from oversexed geriatrics, we’ll be shielded from much of the blame we would otherwise find ourselves hugely pregnant with.”

Submitted by:

Tom Attea

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."





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