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Kindly Mother Goose Gets Hit by Merger Mania


Mergers have taken over the world. My very first bank – Bell Federal - has long merged with LaSalle Bank, and now if I want to talk to someone about my mortgage, I have to call a place I never even heard of before – Troy, Michigan! Here in Chicago, Marshall Field’s has been swallowed up lock, stock and barrel by MACY’S – almost bringing about second Revolutionary War.

Now, just think about what would happen if our beloved Mother Goose friends were also to be bitten by the Deadly Merger Bug. Let’s start off with pretty Little Bo Peep. The same day that she found her sheep, she bumped into her old friend, Goldilocks, and they immediately went to the home of The Three Bears and did some negotiating – and they are now known as the jazz group, Peep, Goldi and the Bears. Now look at poor lean Jack Spratt. He and his hearty wife stopped to chat with Simple Simon as he was going to the Fair. Deciding to merge together, they made lots of dough selling their wares. And what about Old Mother Hubbard whose cupboard was always bare? She moved in with Little Jack Horner while he was relishing his Christmas pie, and they became known as H&H, Horner and Hubbard, and their business grew and grew and she no longer had any worries about feeding Fido. The Famous Three Blind Mice moved in to the cupboard, and made a nice comfortable home for themselves, but they continued to squeal an awful lot.

Little Boy Blue blew his horn one day and was overjoyed to discover that his music had led him to find that frolicsome twosome, Jack and Jill; the poor kids got lost as they trudged up that hill. They got together and created Jack and Jill’s Horn of Plenty English Tea Shoppe. One day the Cat and his Fiddle came over to cheer up Little Miss Muffet, who had fallen off her tuffet and then all got together as they went over to say hello to Old King Cole, who called on his Fiddlers Three and they incorporated themselves as Music a la Mode and played at the king’s fabulous birthday party. After quite a bit of trouble, Humpty Dumpty got himself together and limped over for needed rehab to the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe. She worked hard to get Humpty completely back to his old self, and he reciprocated by starting up Humpty’s Bedie-By Service, 24-hour care for tough toddlers.

Pumpkin Pies International was started by Peter the Pumpkin Eater and Georgie Porgie but Georgie had to promise not to kiss the girls and make them cry. Now they have branches in Paris, Rome and London. Of course, in Paris he is allowed to kiss the girls! One, Two Three Little Indians got together with the Blackhawks and created a gorgeous casino -- named the Call of the. … HEY – STOP THE PRESSES, here’s another merger – AT&T is back in the limelight with a marriage to the SBC phone company. Got to hand it to AT&T – it’s back in the saddle again. Koch Industries has merged with Georgia Pacific, a company that owns practically all of the paper products in America, and probably most of the trees! Where will it all end? Maybe tomorrow the headlines will shout out, “Lake Michigan about to merge with the Atlantic Ocean!”

Arlene Weiss balbec@comcast.net

Submitted by:

Arlene Sonya Weiss

Arlene Weiss spent over 15 years working for major NY agencies, including McCann-Erickson (Interpublic). She also freelanced for such large advertisers as R.R. Donnelley, Intercontinental Hotels, Keri Skin Cream. She won an advertising award for her campaign for Greeview Palos Verdes housing development and Amoco Motor Club.

She has also written essays and plays for theatre group.





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