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New York Is The Safest Big City; Now, Thatís Scary.


New York has just been ranked as the safest of Americaís ten biggest cities in 2005, where, according to the FBI, about one crime was reported for every 37 people. This is the second year in a row that New York has been named Americaís safest big city. How scary is that?

While Mayor Michael Bloomberg was quick to say the report ''shows that our innovative efforts to reduce crime and increase New Yorkers' quality of life are working,'' the bigger question is, just what is going on in our other nine biggest cities? Easygoing murder? Robbery as a workaday job? Really bad in and out of marriage spats?

And guess what city among the leading offenders has the highest crime rate? You guessed it: the apparently unruly metropolis of Dallas, where the FBI checks in with about one crime for every 12 people. One in 12 people is involved in a crime within the space of a year? Does that make you scared to go to the mall or what?

Just in case you thought you were living in a city thatís safer than New York, hereís the spooky rundown: San Jose came in second safest. LA came in at number three. San Diego was fourth. Chicago, Philadelphia, Houston, San Antonio and Phoenix followed in that order.

Now, hereís the kicker. On a national basis, violent crime went up by 2.3% last year, but in Gotham violent crimes Ė including murder, rape, robbery and aggravated assault Ė fell by 1.9%.

So, in case youíre paranoid about living in a big city, head for New York, where you can feel safer than ever.

Just donít do two things: Do not, whatever you do, go for a run in Central Park after dark. You canít run fast enough. And at night stay on the avenues as much as possible and, whatever you do, donít enter dark tunnels or side streets that give you the creeps just looking at them.

You donít want to ruin New Yorkís safest-city reputation, do you?

Submitted by:

Tom Attea

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."





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