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Have you ever been in a situation where you were unable tomake good on a promise or commitment? Perhaps you werelate with a report to your manager, unable to take a child tothe playground, or late for dinner with your partner. Thequestion is, after the realization sets in that you can notdeliver, how do you explain why you were unable to meetyour obligation? Do you stand in the truth, own your actionsand give an honest reason, or do you make excusesconcerned only with freeing yourself from blame?

Is there a difference?

For many of us, we have probably thought of the two asbeing one in the same. You may be asking yourself, 'Is therereally a difference?' At times, the distinction between thetwo can be difficult to see. After all, excuses have the abilityto be disguised as reasons fooling you into thinking, 'Thatsounds like a valid reason.' In fact, when you tune in andreally listen, the facade of an excuse will quickly give way toexpose the truth of falsehood.

Explanations come in two forms ' excuses and reasons.Remember: you make excuses and you give reasons.

Explanations

An excuse is an attempt to free oneself from blame bydeflecting attention and responsibility onto someone orsomething else. Excuses diminish your power and say 'I amnot willing to take responsibility. Instead, I will settle forwhatever path others choose for me as a result of myactions.' Making excuses will erode others confidence inyou, and destroy your self-respect. The refusal to bepersonally accountable is rooted in the fear of failure - to beknown as someone who did not deliver. This defensemechanism results in a plea to convince others to overlookyour part and to minimize the damage caused by your role ina given situation.

To say one has a 'good excuse' is an oxymoron whichimplies there is a difference between good and bad excuses.All excuses are bad and unacceptable. Here are someexamples:

* 'I was late to the meeting because the clock in thelunchroom has been broken for a month.'

* 'My report is late because my manager didn't remind me itwas due today.'

* 'I am not ready to give my report to the Board of Directorstomorrow because I was on vacation the last two weeks andI didn't prepare.'

A reason is defined as a legitimate, truthful account of asituation which includes explanation of your part. Rooted ingood judgment, there exists a willingness to own youractions and deal with the consequences. Reasons seek toclarify what happened, who was responsible, and how todeal with the situation and seek immediate solutions so thatone can do better now and in the future. A reason is notmotivated by fear, but driven by respect and integrity. Hereare some examples:

* 'The reason I am late is because I had a flat tire.'

* 'Although I was assigned this report last Friday, thereason my report is late is because the mainframe crashedFriday afternoon and has been down ever since. I haveattempted to retrieve the information from our satellitelocation, but to no avail.'

* 'The reason I will not give a Power Point presentation isbecause the projector just died. Since it will be at least anhour before we locate a replacement, I will proceed without itand ask that you follow along via my handout.'

Action Steps

When you are in the moment of truth, remember the choice isyours ' you can make excuses or you can give valid reasons.Here are a few questions to ask yourself before you speakout to determine if you are about to make excuses or providea reason:

1. What is your intent - is it to release yourself from totalblame or to provide a straightforward, honest account of thesituation and your actions?

2. Are you willing to accept the consequences of youractions and take steps to improve the situation?

3. Do you willing to honestly acknowledge the degree ofyour responsibility, and is there anything you could havedone differently?

The next time you are faced with the prospect of explainingyour actions, ask yourself 'Is this an excuse or a validreason?' Always find the courage to behave with integrityand honor your self-respect. When faced with a choice, thequestion is what will you do?