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When you have to deal with one of your team who's complaining to you, rather than allowing your negative programmes to take over, get your thinking part in gear and try to see the situation the way they see it. You don't necessarily have to agree with them but perhaps you can empathise with their point of view.

The successful manager thinks about the people they have to deal with, is sensitive to how they see things and knows that they might think differently than they do.

Let me give you an example: I've always had a thing about good timekeeping; it's something that's been programmed into my brain. If you agree to meet me at 8.30 in the morning, I'll be there at 8.20; I will always do my utmost be on time.

So I used to get angry when a member of my team would show up late for a meeting or an appointment with me. When I got angry I'd get stressed and end up saying something that I regretted later. Therefore, I learned to start thinking about the situation and try to see it from their point of view and not let my programming run my brain.

That doesn't mean to say I ignored the lateness or did nothing about it; I thought very carefully about what I wanted to say and spoke to the team member about how we would resolve this situation.

The point about this is - I'm not prepared to allow that team member's behaviour to run my mind. Getting angry and stressed is not good for our health and it isn't a productive way to motivate our team.

We all see the world in a different way based on our culture and how we were brought up. So it's very important to understand this, particularly when you give your people feedback be it good or bad.

Last year I spent several weeks in a particular hotel running seminars and I started to get to know some of the staff. One day I noticed that Carol the conference manager had been named employee of the month and her photograph was displayed in the reception area. When I congratulated her on this honour I was a bit surprised at her reaction - "I hate it, I'm so embarrassed," she complained.

Carol didn't like the attention she was getting and as a result, this recognition by her manager didn't motivate her. Another member of the team could possibly see this completely differently and regard it as a great honour.

If you have good rapport with your people then you become sensitive to how they see things. The successful business person understands each member of their team and doesn't reward everyone in the same way.

I've often heard managers say - "I treat people the way I expect to be treated." The successful manager says - "I treat people the way THEY expect to be treated."