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When you can't lose weight, the answer may be simple. Or it may be hard.

Maybe you really are just eating a little too much. Simple. Cut back.

Maybe you just turned 40 and as much as you hate to admit it, you'll never have the body you had 20 years ago. Hard to admit, but with the right diet, you can still have a slimmer figure.

But what if you've had a long -- maybe even a lifelong -- battle with weight. And by that, I mean a serious weight problem, not just five pounds or so.

I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist. And I'm not giving medical advice.

But I have observed enough people over the years to form this opinion.

For people with lifelong weight loss problems, the right diet can help. But it's usually not about dieting. Because it's not about the food.

Think about it.

Are you lonely, angry, depressed? Do you feel guilty, rejected, inferior? Or even unworthy of love or success?

Do you seek comfort in food because people let you down? Or maybe you feel like you've let yourself down?

Have you tried every diet there is and nothing seems to work? Or at least not for long?

Then consider this. When you dive into that box of chocolates, is it food or an escape?

Maybe there's a sexual assault in your past. Maybe kids teased you mercilessly when you were young. Maybe family members always made you feel inferior. Maybe an ex-spouse -- or a current spouse -- made you feel unwanted and unloved.

You didn't fight back. Maybe you couldn't -- literally, couldn't.

So you turned to food. For comfort. For escape. For an excuse to drive people away.

Because when you're fat, it's okay to be shy. To be different. To be alone.

It still hurts. But at least, you have an excuse to hide.

You say you want to lose weight, you go on diet after diet, but when things get tough...

.. you seek refuge in food. And it starts all over again.

So ask yourself this.

If you could go back to the one incident or the series of events or the period of time that led to your weight problem, would you choose to relive it all again just as it happened?

Or if you had the chance, would you change it?

Because every time you escape with food, you make the choice to feed your demons.

To relive whatever it is that hurts you.

To give people who bullied or hurt you the power to do it all over again. And again. And again.

So you have a choice to make. To relive or to live.

It's that simple. And that hard.

If you can't do it alone, seek out a trusted friend. Or better yet, a trained professional.

But ultimately, the choice is yours. Choose to let go.

Choose to live.

Copyright (c) 2006 Debbie Fontana