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Between 3 to 6 months of age infants develop an awareness of strangers and may experience anxiety in their presence. They also realize for the first time that they are separate from their mothers and can feel separation anxiety. For the parents and people surrounding them, the distress and tears of the baby can be disconcerting.

How It Begins

Dr. Kathy Ostler, a pediatrician practicing in Park City, Utah, explains the phenomenon. 'It happens because babies at that age cognitively understand the idea that they are separate from the person taking care of them,' she says. 'By then they realize who their mother is. When she is not in the room with them and someone else is, they can become very upset."

From there, the development continues. 'Then they start to realize when they see something and it leaves their visual field that it still exists. This is known as object permanence,' says Dr. Ostler. According to Dr. Ostler, the important milestones of separation anxiety, stranger anxiety and object permanence happen on a continuum. These crucial cognitive advancements are very normal and help a child develop healthy responses to unusual situations.

Pediatrician Dr. John Dorsey of Beaumont, Mich. often sees stranger anxiety in his young patients. 'At varying stages infants become more skilled at recognizing strangers. Because of that, I have had to examine a lot of crying babies who want to get back to their mothers,' he says. 'I complete the checkup as quickly as I can because there is not a lot I can do to soothe them.'

But Dr. Dorsey claims many babies don't develop anxiety until 6 months of age. Better still, some babies never seem anxious. 'Larger families will have kids who can handle new faces better. Sometimes a 9-month-old I am examining will look to their mother, but let me continue handling them,' he says. 'Some infants are even delighted to meet strangers.'

Genetics

Dr. Dorsey believes genetics plays a large role in whether or not a child develops stranger anxiety. 'If parents are anxious, they tend to have anxious children,' he says. 'Some people are cursed by this. It has nothing to do with an absence of assurance, it is simply the amount of alarm hormones each person is born with.' According to Dr. Dorsey, some children are born with a tendency toward anxiety because they have a higher level of alarm hormones present in their body chemistry. A perfectly content infant may become anxious around strangers because of a release of these hormones.

Beneficial Fears

According to Dean Cloward, a child psychologist practicing in Rigby, Idaho, it is important to remember that it is developmentally appropriate to develop fears at this age. 'The fear of height, the fear of loud noises, etc. all develop in the early months and years of life,' he says. 'They are only maladaptive when they impinge upon the development of other skills and abilities and slow or hamper a child's development.'

Cloward believes fears can also keep children safe. For example, it is better for a child to be too frightened of falling down the stairs rather than not scared enough. That anxiety will ultimately keep them from tumbling down and becoming injured.

Cloward explains that it is not healthy to discourage the development of fears. 'We want to teach the child the place and context for these fears so that they can recognize when they are safe and then put the fears away,' he says. Children learn situational elements of fear that will motivate them to action. 'We want them to scream when a stranger takes their hand and to run home when someone asks for directions from their car,' says Cloward.

Ease the Stress

Dr. Ostler has this suggestion for parents who wish to help their child through stranger anxiety: 'If the baby is looking at a stranger and starting to feel anxious, a parent can reassure them with a soft voice or touch,' she says.

According to Dr. Dorsey, new people can overwhelm small children. 'When visitors come to your home, ask them to ignore the infant for 20 to 30 minutes,' he says. 'Let the child come around to them.' If the stranger has not tried to hold the baby or make an aggressive move, the little one will warm up to them eventually. He also cautions parents not to thrust their baby into someone's arms in hopes that their little one will get over their anxiety with more exposure to unfamiliar faces. 'It just takes time,' he says. 'Give your child space and time to become comfortable with new people.'

At age 2, a child's anxiety can still overtake them, but by age 3, children are more capable of thinking logically. By that time stranger wariness should wear off completely. Luckily, many children outgrow their fear of strangers at a much younger age. For parents who are weathering stranger anxiety blues ' hang in there. Before you know it your child will be more comfortable with people they don't know.