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OTHER ITA SITES:
Comeback of the Mustache? I Don't Think So
There is an ugly rumor circulating about the return of the 1970s mustache-wearing male finding his way to the 21st century. Is this a backlash to the metrosexual era? Is this a way for the "regular guy" to reclaim his masculinity? Is this a way of making food stuck to a man's face acceptable?
As a single woman, I strongly object to this horrific trend.
I'm not going to throw around careless accusations against facial hair. That just wouldn�t be right. Rather, my approach will be fair and balanced. You know, the reporting style made famous by Fox News.
For starters, the mustache reminds me of 1970s porn. As a kid, I wasn't always able to recognize the vital body parts through the scrambled Playboy Channel, but I could always tell if the man was wearing a mustache. Not a sexy scene, my friends.
Sticking with the 1970s theme, my father sported a mustache back then, and I don't want to date a man that resembles him. That's taking the Father Complex theory way too far.
Most importantly, I have very sensitive skin. In fact, so sensitive that I once went out on a date with a man that had facial hair and after three hours of lip smacking, my skin became so irritated that I developed a rash. Sure, you can make the argument that the rash was due to the marathon-long make-out session, not the mustache per se, but this isn�t a time to be logical. Let's keep the focus of this post where it belongs, on the ill-conceived return of the mustache.
I'm not prejudiced; I'm against all mustaches.
Pencil mustache? No way. It reminds me of John Waters.
The toothbrush? Um, no. Charlie Chaplin donned that one for a reason: it's funny-looking.
Horseshoe-style mustache? Nice try. Hulk Hogan can get away with it is because wrestlers are cartoon-like.
Magnum, P. I. mustache? Oh, now you're playing dirty (I like that), but chances are you don't look like Tom Selleck. Psssssst. If you share his rugged good looks, e-mail me your digits.
Guys, take it from me. I won't steer you wrong. There is a reason the mustache trend died a slow death. Here's a hint: men aren't supposed to be walking buffets, able to select from an assortment of late-night snacks trapped in their hippielips.
I�m just sayin'.
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