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Accusations, finger pointing and mudslinging would be welcome gestures compared to the new lows two rival candidates have stooped to this election year.

The pair are on the campaign trail desperately pulling out all stops to secure your vote and quite honestly save their repugnant unshaven asses.

"I may not be as experienced as my opponent, but I'll give the people exactly what I think they need," a furious Republican wannabe Jorge W. Tush said. "And if my opponent ever questions my morals and work ethic, I'll serve that son of a bitch justice."

His Democratic no-name opponent, John Abraham Lincoln Kennedy Jr. III, has taken on a different tone in his campaign message.

"I'll give the people exactly what they want unless, of course, what the people want is something totally different than what they originally desired," said Lincoln Kennedy Jr. III. "People want choices unless, of course, their choices change. I can change with them. I've been successful doing this in the past and I can be successful doing this in the future."

Tush and Lincoln Kennedy Jr. III have been as atrocious in their jobs as they have been hopeless and the two terribly need your vote. The candidates are starving artists pitted against each other in a competition to keep their jobs at www.tshirtalerts.com. Their approval ratings are down as evidenced by the low number of consumer purchases for merchandise featuring their designs.

As a result, one will survive and the other will be out of a job following the November 8th vote.

"My record speaks for itself," Tush said. "C'mon how could you not love some of the things I've done in the past. Those who don't like my work are probably illegals who can't afford to buy my stuff anyway and I'll bring them some justice. That's just the reality of it. I believe people appreciate someone who tells it to them straight."

Lincoln Kennedy Jr. III responded to Tush. "Some people like my work while some people like how I have worked," he said. "The reality of the situation is everyone has different tastes and my work is flavored with aroma and not acidity. Come November 8th the world will have spoken and I believe their message will be a resounding -- 'He gave us his word, by damn, he is John Abraham Lincoln Kennedy Jr. III.'"

Visitors to www.tshirtalerts.com can view Tush and Lincoln Kennedy Jr. III's T-shirt designs and decide which artist is more worthy of keeping their job by voting at the site.

"The common folk will ultimately decide the outcome of this competition," said Clothier Slacks of the watchdog group, Bring Back Two-Tone and Ripped in the Knee Jeans. "Our group is particularly watching this race with great interest since the populist will need a T-shirt to go along with what will hope will be the return of two-tones and ripped knee jeans. People need to get out and vote. The future depends on it."