Article Surfing Archive

I must be a glutton for punishment.

Think I can conquer the monster known as Walmart. Men are thick headed. There ladies I said it. We think we can conquer, fix, or figure out anything. Then we wonder why women go to the bathroom together! To talk about the stupid things their men do!

Why do I go to Walmart? Well, where I live it is the closest and only place that is open after midnight. You would think it would be very easy to get in and out of there. Ummm, no, not when you have the 20-30 night owls trying to checkout at the only register open that late. Anyway here is what happened to me the other night...

I am lying in bed minding my own business when my wife says, "you need to go to walmart". Nails on a chalkboard, fork scrapping teeth kind of thing. So, as I curl up in the fetal position and stick my thumb in my mouth, I say "WHY!?" My wife says, "we need milk" and she wants to get a new bed set for our son's bed. "Please tell me you are not serious." My wife turns her head and gives me that "look". Nuff said. I had my shoes on before she could finish the glare.

When a woman wants something she wants it now. Not in a minute. Not in a second. Right now. It is a prerequisite for being woman, hear me roar, blah, blah, blah. Please don't tell my wife I said that...lol. But, I digress. Back to the torment.

I head to walmart and I figure I might as well get gas and spend my monthly PIP budget for 5 gallons of fuel. I get to the pump and gas tank is on the other side. My car has the tank on the right, my wife's is on the left. Why can't that kind of crap be universal? So, I fill up but only end up with half a tank.

I start toward the entrance and the hairs on the back of my neck start to stand up. The inside of me is screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not this again"!!! So, I take a deep breath and head in. Look around, not too many people, it's late, piece a cake.

Oh, come on now, who am I kidding.

As soon as I walk in, there is a new orientation group standing right in where they store the carts. So all 10 of them greet me. I am all for civility, but who on God's green earth does orientation at midnight?!?! So after getting my choice of the 3 carts they pushed at me, I move on.

I know that milk and bedding are very close to each other on the far side of the store. So, I grab 2 days supply of food and water and start the journey. After walking for about 30 minutes I see this guy stocking and struggling with a weight set as he is trying to get it on a shelf. So, I go over to help him. He says, "this is my job and I can handle it!". So, being the sarcastic butt I am, I have to say something.

Cannot just say "fine" and walk away. I tell him, "Dude, I never said you were a wiener or anything. Just did not want you to drop that on your head. But, if you got it you got it. But don't look for me to help you when your spine drops out of your tailpipe."

He said, "Kiss my @$$". This kid was probably 20-21 and I looked at him and said, "I may have deserved that, but what did you just say to me?" I liked this guy. He said, "Sir, kiss my @$$ and thank you for shopping at Walmart". I laughed. Man that was funny! I told him that I would go get the girls in the flower department to help him lift those weights next time and started to walk away.

Next thing I know a super or manager or something says, "Excuse me sir, is my employee bothering you?" I said, "Where in the world did you come from? Were you hanging in a light fixture?!" I told him, "no, he is fine, just trying to do his job". So, instead of letting it go, this supermanger says, "I think he is bothering you."

Why can't I just walk away!!

I turn to him and say, "The guy is doing his job, please leave him alone. I want to go get what I came to get from this torture chamber and go home. I don't know what your shift is, but mine does not go until 6AM." You would think the guy would say, "OK sir, you have a nice evening". No. Of course he would not. He says, "Sir, please stay here for one second". He then gets on his two-way that looked like it came from the toy section and heads back my way.

He says, "Sir, I would like you to file a complaint". I told him that there was no complaint to file. I just wanted to partake in the great bargains of their lovely store and the wonderful items. I was a bit grumpy now if you could not tell.

This guy was adamant! He had security come over and also the night manager! All the while the weightlifter kid was looking and had a smirk on his face. He could care less. Mom and Dad making him work in the real world while he is in college. Little punk. I guess he and I were the only ones not taking it seriously. Maybe I should have the wiener drop the weights on supermanager! Oh, wait, he can't lift them, so nevermind.

The security guard had to have been 70 years old. He comes up and they are having this discussion. Top secret stuff. The night manager says, "can you handle this" to them and goes back to more important things. I told them they had 2 minutes to resolve this or I would be gone. The security guard says, "Sir, please calm down".

I laughed because I just asked a question. He must be watching too many Hawaii 5-O or Cops reruns. I had my head down now trying to be polite because I respect my elders and wanted to finish this freaking ordeal.

The supermanager asks if I will file a complaint and again I said no. Then I told him if he had any other questions for me, the answer is---no. You know that tolerance gauge that is built into you? Mine was starting to break. I started walking away. 20 minutes was enough and I was irritated like when one of those pine needles gets stuck in your sock and you can't get it out.

The security guard must have given up because he was already back in the electronics section watching TV.

I look back and see the supermanager yelling at that kid. The kid is just smiling and I can read his lips. "Whatever dude, whatever dude". What was the point of trying to help that young turd? We are supposed to I guess. Then, my wife calls and says, "What is taking so long?"

As I deflate, I explain the story and she is smart butt like I am. She says, "Hurry it up slacker".

I finally get to where I was headed and decide to get the bed set 1st. I have no intentions of letting milk sit in the cart and spoil because I know something will happen. I call my wife and I ask which bed set she wants? "Tell me what they have". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I had her look online at home and pick one. So as she is going through them I pull one down I like and sit it by my cart.

This little Oriental lady, about 50 walks by. This was her section. I found that out very fast. She sees the bed set I have lying on the floor and points at it. I tell her I am looking at it and she walks over and grabs it and puts it back on the shelf!! I pull it back down and tell her I am looking at it. So she goes away. Talk about customer service over-kill. Geeez.

My wife can't decide. I love my wife. I would not put myself through this if I did not. I tell her can we get a rush on it because it is almost 1 and I am tired. I said, "You should have came with me". She is good. She says, "What do you think I have you for"? I pull down 2 and I have them stacked by my cart and go grab another my wife likes so I can describe them to her on the phone.

I go back and the 2 I pulled down are gone! I see that little lady putting them away! I tell her I want to look at them and she points at me and walks away? Huh? I tell my wife that I want to go so she needs to pick one. Know the answer I get. "I'm tired, you pick one and hurry up and get home". AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I told her I love her, but was going to beat her when I got home.

I grab one, head back to my cart and now my flipping cart is gone!!!!!! I see the little lady halfway across the store taking my cart back with the little things in it I grabbed on the way back to bedding. So, I grab a gallon of milk and the bed set and yell at her, "HEY"! She stops turns around and brings it back to me. I put my stuff back in the cart and I thank her and she points at me and walks away. Huh? That was starting to weird me out.

So, I have everything and head toward checkout. I am standing in line at checkout and guess who? The supermanager asks if that lady was bothering me! I said, "Look. To be honest, you are the only one who is bothering me and here is a tip for you. You take your job a little too seriously".

Bad move. Why can't I just be quite.

He goes on this spree about how he takes pride in his job and has been employee of the month, etc. I handed him a home business flyer I had in my pocket! HAHAHA "Your a slave"! He took it and walked away. I am sorry, but I could not resist. I was tired, grumpy, and now hungry.

2nd in line from cashier and baby I am home free. Guy in front of me gets everything scanned and left his wallet in the car. Welcome to "Walmurphys". I don't cuss, but I was under my breath now. @#$@#$%^& %$^&$#& &*%&* **%*(%^@%^&$* 245@ @$%$@ 46 sfgwb7b y!!!!!

The guy finally comes back, on his cell with no care of the 5 others behind him waiting on his turtle moving @$$!!! I finally check out and leave the store.

Guess who is outside of the store? The wiener.

He says, "Dude, you got me in trouble". Huh?!!?! I told him I just tried to help him out. Then he says, "I should kick your @$$". The big man that could not lift 50 lbs over his head. I grabbed the bed set by the handle and hit him in the head with it and told him to get back to work! He went back in cussing me out all the way in. What is it with all of the chips on the shoulders of these people?

I saw on the news where a guy got fired from Walmart for posting on myspace that if they dropped a bomb on walmart that the national IQ average would go up. I could not agree more. The bad thing is, I go there so maybe that rocket has my name on it. I imagine I will be on there hit list soon. Right up next to the shoplifters.

God Bless,