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Most of the questions that I get asked these days concern Ed Jr. He's seventy four years of age now, and most of y'all know that he had major heart surgery several years ago. Most of y'all also know that he's prominently featured in my first two books. His exploits seem to have been appreciated by more than a few, and I guess it's only natural that some of y'all would like an update on what's been going on with him lately. Because of that, I decided I'd give him a call and get the first hand skinny on what he's been up to recently.

I called him around three yesterday afternoon, and was surprised at the fact that he picked up after only a couple of rings (typically, it takes five to six). In fact, when he picked up the phone, he sounded just a tad breathless. Why he was a tad breathless made a lot more sense after our conversation, which is provided for all of y'all below:

Me: 'Hey, old man, just wanted to call and see how you're holding up these days.'

Ed Jr.: 'Son, I'm fine, life's good.'

Me: 'Have you been spendin' much time in Juliette these days?'

Ed Jr.: 'Al (his nickname for me), I'd like to talk with you, but I have someone out there in the den waiting on me.'

Me: 'Someone waiting on you? Did one of your old Army buddies come to visit you?'

Ed Jr.: 'Nope, no old Army buddies. Al, look, I've got a prime, less than thirty year old female waitin' to spend some time with me.'

Me: 'You gotta be kidding! A young gal like that wants to spend time with you?'

Ed Jr.: 'And is that a big surprise for you?'

Me: 'Well, yeah. It's a surprise cause you're seventy four years old and she's in her twenties. Do you think that you're still up to spending time with a woman that young?'

Ed Jr.: 'Al, back when I had my navy blue sixty-five Ford Falcon, I always knew on a winter day that I would have to warm her up awhile before I could drive her. Well, these days, I'm a lot like that Falcon, it may take me a little while to get cranked up but I purr like a kitten when I do.'

Me: 'Old man, a lot of my readers want to know what you're up to these days.'

Ed Jr.: 'Son, this woman is in here waitin,' your readers will surely forgive me if I go ahead and spend some time with her.'

Me: 'Dad, can't you even tell them just a little something about your take on life or current events these days?'

Ed Jr.: 'Alright son, but this is gonna be quick. The Braves collapsed again in the post season after the Gomer Pyle of baseball managers, Bobby Cox, made more mistakes than a blind person sittin' behind the wheel of a moving car. Scott Peterson was guilty as hell, and the only person on this earth loopier than the skinny Anna Nicole Smith is the fat Anna Nicole Smith. An undecided voter is too stupid to be allowed to vote in the first place, and Bin Laden looks like a goat with a dress on. Probably smells like one, too. Georgia Tech needs to go ahead and admit the truth and start looking for a new head football coach, and don't even get me started about Michael Jackson. He just needs to be taken out back behind the jail house and dealt with the way they used to take care of perverts back in the days of the old west. And son?'

Me: 'Yes dad?'

Ed Jr.: 'You know that I care about you, but there's a twenty eight year old woman in the den who wants my company. You know what that means, don't you?'

Me: 'It means that if it comes down to you talking with me or her, she'll win, doesn't it?'

Ed Jr.: 'Of course, son, my last name is still Williams. And now I gotta go. And son?'

Me: 'Yes dad?'

Ed Jr.: 'Don't call back again today unless your health gets real bad all of a sudden. Call me again tomorrow and I'll tell you what I can.'

Me: 'Okay.'

Ed Jr.: 'Later, Al.'

And with that, he hung up. And also with that, y'all now have the latest on the Godfather. The down and dirty. The true skinny. The current escapades of a typical Georgia senior citizen, living out his days in a simple, quiet way, just making the best of his golden years that he can.....