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Is it good to be a gifted? This may sound like a strange question - of course being gifted is good... isn't it?

It's true that kids who score higher on IQ tests will have an academic advantage. After all, these tests are designed to predict school success. The skills tapped by IQ tests, including memory, problem-solving, and language ability are also important for doing well on college placement tests and succeeding in a career. So there's definitely an upside to being gifted' but is there a flipside to having a high IQ?

Just as it's unfair and unrealistic to make generalized statements about any group of people based on similar traits they share, we shouldn't oversimplify our view on the effects of giftedness on children. In fact, having a high IQ doesn't necessarily come with any particular disadvantages. The research in this area is mixed, at best. And much of it is based on interviews or anecdotal evidence, which makes it hard to come to any firm conclusions about the findings.

Yet, all children are susceptible to struggles at some time in their development and gifted children are no different. A common belief is that they are more prone to certain developmental problems due to being perceived as different by others, or because they see themselves as being out of touch with most of their peers. And this makes sense. A primary need of most kids - and maybe, to a lesser degree, of most s as well - is to "fit in." Anyone who's been through school understands how important it is to dress like, act like, and be like everyone else. Or at least like everyone else in your own little subgroup. We seem to have a need to be folded into a crowd with whom we can share certain interests - a social connection, an identity. Yet gifted kids are, by definition, different, at least when it comes to certain skills or talents they possess. Yes, giftedness is arguably a positive difference - at least from an perspective - but a difference, nonetheless. For kids and teens, the pressure to conform is often so great that any deviation from the norm can be distressing. We've all heard terms like brain, nerd, geek or worse applied to kids who seem too bookish, or too "into" school.

Of course, the potential for social problems is not unique to gifted kids; all children are susceptible to teasing, bullying, or social isolation when they don't fit in, for whatever reason. The school years can be tough for everybody. Gifted kids, though, do share some unique pressures and developmental issues that others may not.

A Disconnect Between the Brain, the Body, and Emotions

Most six-year-olds look, act, and think like six-year-olds. Gifted children, however, are often described as showing "asynchronous development." That is, while much of their development may be typical for their age (their size and emotional reactions, for instance), cognitively they are out of sync.

Gifted children may also have a tendency to want to discuss "adult" issues - such as , spirituality, and the afterlife ' at a deeper, more involved level than most kids their age. Other potential topics may include uality, birth, money, relationships, and divorce. While discussing these types of issues calmly and openly is not necessarily detrimental to a child, there can be drawbacks. A child who is excessively concerned about these things may become overly focused, frightened, or 'grossed out' by knowing too much about issues they lack the life experience or emotional maturity to fully understand.

In short, there is a certain bliss in the innocence of childhood that may be lost on gifted children who are enlightened too quickly concerning life's mysteries.

Emotional Sensitivity

Gifted children are often thought to be more emotionally perceptive and responsive than their peers. Some have described them as having finely tuned antennae when it comes to picking up and responding to emotional signals that come from within themselves or from those around them. Because of thee traits, some may be overly empathetic to other people's problems or situations. They might show a tendency to make the problem their own, and mirror the moods or emotional state of the person they are concerned about. Other gifted kids may overreact to frustration, rejection, success, or any situation that triggers an emotional response ' for example, sobbing over an outwardly minor disappointment.

Friendships

Friendships are often based on similarities. We tend to connect with others who are like us in some way. That is not to say that two people need to be clones of each other to bond - differences are often what make a relationship interesting and may be what initially attracts one person to another. But it's fair to say that long-term relationships are often kept going because the people involved are somehow similar. And arguably, mental similarities are one of the most - if not the most - important ways that people connect and stay connected.

A potential problem for gifted children is that they often think in a different way than most of their age peers ' those they are likely to spend a great deal of time with. They have the physical appearance and probably the emotional maturity of their classmates, but may have the vocabulary, interests, and reasoning ability of those much older than themselves. They don't really fit into either group. Consequently, developing meaningful friendships can be more difficult for gifted children, and this problem can become more pronounced as cognitive ability increases. Put another way, the pool of potential same age "mental mates" shrinks as IQ rises.

Self Esteem

While studies show that many gifted children have high global self-esteem (how they feel about themselves in general) and high self-esteem when it comes to academics, it is also known that they are not immune to having poor opinions about themselves. Self esteem issues may be particularly troublesome for gifted children who are prone to perfectionism ' the desire to do everything just right before one can be satisfied with the outcome. Realizing their own potential and capabilities, these kids may get the feeling that they should be able to do just about anything, and then become frustrated when they don't perform up to their own expectations. For example, getting less than perfect grades, not making the varsity sports team, or not winning an award for the best science project may make the gifted child feel that he has let himself down. Self-esteem may also be negatively affected when gifted kids feel that they are not measuring up to other high-achieving students, or to !
mentors whom they see as role s or intellectual equals.

School

The very traits that help gifted children excel in learning can make it difficult for them to participate in many school programs.

For example:

'Because they are usually able to complete tasks quickly, they may become disinterested in a subject once they feel they have mastered it, and then begin to tune out the teacher while they move on to different things in their own minds. These children may be perceived as unfocussed or as "daydreamers."

'They may be more focused on the big idea, rather than the small details of a school task or subject. The organization of their school work may appear to be lacking and attention to detail may be missing. They may be perceived as disorganized, inattentive, or defiant.

And teachers that are not skilled at adapting their instruction to meet the needs of gifted learners may feel threatened by how quickly the child learns, or by how much they know. Such teachers may try to make the gifted child conform to the pace of the classroom through reprimands or discipline techniques that create hard feelings or a poor working relationship between the teacher and the student.

Ways Kids Cope

Gifted children are as diverse a group as any other, and no two are alike. How they navigate through the social world and cope with the stresses of growing up may have more to do with individual personality traits, or the type of emotional support they get from others, than with their IQ.

Whether or not a child is dealing with any of the issues mentioned here, parents can help their kids through the school years by:

'Being there to listen, understand, and support them emotionally when they are going through a stressful period.

'Providing them with opportunities to develop and explore their interests and connect with others who hold similar interests.

'Avoiding pushing them to excel or compete ' or excessively praising them for their accomplishments.

'Encouraging fun, playful activities and downtime.

Most importantly, research (and common sense) tells us that all children benefit from having at least one caring, supportive in their lives who provides structure, consistency, and a sense of unconditional love, warmth, and encouragement.

Editor's Note: David Palmer's new book, Parents' Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child (2006) is available online and through Barnes and Noble and other fine book sellers.

SIDE BAR MATERIAL:

One famous study of gifted children was begun by Lewis Terman of Stanford University in the 1920s. Terman identified over 1,500 people, including many children, whose IQs measured in the gifted range. Then he, and other researchers after his , followed them over time to see how their lives and careers developed. One reason he began this research was to disprove the 'early ripe, early rot' idea. At the time, many people felt that there was a fine line between genius and madness, and that those who burned too brightly as children would flame out in the end. Terman's study had many flaws by today's standards. For example, instead of choosing his subjects randomly, he selected them mostly from white, middle-class families. And instead of remaining an objective observer, he became actively involved in some of their lives by giving them advice or writing them letters of recommendation. However flawed, the study has given us some of our earliest insight into what it means to be gifted, and more than 40 years after Terman's the research continues, even though there are now relatively few Termites (as the subjects affectionately came to be called) living. One outcome was to disprove the 'early rot' theory. Most of the gifted kids in the study did well as s - many getting advanced degrees and leading apparently fulfilling lives. Yet it was also revealed that giftedness did not shelter them from the agonies of life. The Termites became alcoholics, got divorced, and committed at about the same rate as everyone else.

SIDE BAR MATERIAL:

In support of the idea that an extremely high IQ is not a necessary condition for great achievement, researchers have found that many accomplished scientists, Ph.D.'s, college professors, and medical students have IQs that measure below that magical cut-off point of 130. The famous physicist and Nobel laureate, Richard Feynman, was said to have an IQ that measured around 125. What does this tell us? What we already know - that IQ tests are imperfect instruments that only measure a narrow band of our abilities and talents and may totally miss out on capturing the true essence