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School has started. School">All over the country, one can hear wailings of grief over the end of summer or whoops of joy as kids go back to school. (My girls are whooping; I'm wailing a bit.)

I was a little apprehensive about my older daughter starting middle school, as was she, but the entire week went off without a hitch. Now we're looking at the end of our first week with relief (it could have been a nightmare if Kathryn hadn't adjusted well) and excitement (we can't help but be excited for Kathryn in this new journey of hers).

We're able to feel this relief and excitement mostly because Kathryn has openly shared with us many details of her first week at school. As a matter of fact, Monday went something like this.

Kathryn: "Mommy, can I tell you all about school?"

Me: "Sure, sweetie!"

Kathryn: "Well, I'm going to start at the beginning and go in order. First, we got on the bus, and the bus driver was very nice. Kate and I sat together. There were a lot of people on the bus. Then, we got to school, and...."

And so it went. We got the complete low-down about school, her classes, her locker (oh-so important!), riding home on the bus with the mean eighth graders, homework, her binder, all the information she brought home, her teachers, and all the many, many details of her new life as a middle schooler.

Now I know we're lucky. Some kids won't offer any information about their days. Even when asked direct questions, some kids will only give yes or no answers or the shortest possible response. They just don't want to talk, yet we as parents really need to know what's going on in their lives. Here are a few tips for those silent schoolgoers.

Tell stories of your own childhood from the similar time frame of your child's age. Share happy stories, stories where other kids were mean, stories of challenges in the classroom, and anything else you can think of. The goal is to share something about yourself and make it about you. That way, you're talking about you, and your kids can safely participate. You aren't talking about them, and they feel free to express their opinions. Then later on, they may be able to share their own stories with you.

Play the "what's the best/worst thing that happened to you today" game. Everyone goes around the table (or car, or living room) and shares the best and worst thing about his/her day. Not only do you get some additional information, but your kids get to see you as a real person with real things going on in your real life.

Be aware of what's going on in your kids' lives at school. Be familiar with classes they're taking, books they're reading, activities they're in, friends they see, teachers they have, and projects they're working on. The more you know about their lives, the more you can be up to speed, ask questions, and be able to participate intelligently when they actually do speak to you.

Be available. When your child (preschooler or high schooler) does finally open up, listen. If you're busy doing something else and only paying half attention, why would he continue to talk to you? Give him your attention (although you may need to be nonchalant and try to get rid of that hungry "he's finally talking to me!" look on your face).

Hear what your kids are saying to you. Don't try to turn it into a lesson ("Now what have we learned from this, class?") or a morality tale. If you do, then they'll only come to you when they need a lesson or a moral. How often does that happen?

Change the subject. Don't talk about school. Talk about the song that's playing on the radio (or iTunes for those of who have older kids). Go over the plans for the weekend. Discuss what to make for dinner. The more your kids get used to you talking to them about all sorts of things, the more they'll be ready to talk about school.

Finally, include your kids in your activities. There are ways to include even the little ones. Cook dinner together. Ask your three-year-old which kind of rolls to buy at the grocery store. Let your teenager pick out the kind of flowers you're going to plant in the front yard.

There's more to getting your child to talk about school than just, "How was school today?" The goal is to get her to open up, trust you, and talk to you. Whether you're whooping or wailing about the start of school, perhaps you can at least celebrate the start of conversation with your kids.