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When was the last time someone close to you told you something about yourself that was really at odds with your own view of who you are? You know - something that, when they said it, made you stop, snap your head up and say, "Huh??!!" And then THEY looked surprised that YOU were surprised at what they said - like they thought you knew this about yourself.

This happened to me recently, and I was caught up short by it, and to be honest, a little miffed. Not that what this person said to me was so bad - it wasn't. It just didn't match my view of me, at Dance">ALL. That was my first clue that what they said was something I might want to examine, after all.

In this instance, I was told that I was not spontaneous, that I scheduled everything, and that I was afraid to be direct about what I wanted.

I almost got a whiplash my head snapped up so hard at that!!

I took a few minutes to think about it. Was this truly the picture of me I was displaying to the world?

Ok, so maybe my spontaneity has been buried lately, but I know it's there, so that one didn't rattle me too much. And yes, I am very scheduled these days, and this is ON PURPOSE because for so long I was so scattered I barely ever got anything done. I started all kinds of things, but allowed myself to be distracted, frustrated or lured away to something else before I finished much of anything. That's different today - I'm getting things done, and even better, I'm getting the things I WANT TO DO done! But that last one - afraid to be direct about what I wanted - what??

Me??

Surely not!

Well, ok, maybe a little afraid still...about things that REALLY matter to me.

Wow...is this really true?

Uhhhhh.......

Yup, it is. An example of exactly what this person was talking about immediately came to mind. Rats...

The problem was I already had a PART of what I wanted, and to get ALL of what I wanted meant risk - the risk of losing the part I already had, not getting what I wanted and ending up empty handed. And to get what I wanted, I would have to be direct and say it out loud. Ugh!! But the part I already had was very good and was definitely better than nothing.

Oh - there it is - that phrase I swore I'd never use again: "better than nothing."

I do not want to fill my life with "better than nothing." I do not want to make decisions based upon "better than nothing." I'm DONE with settling for "better than nothing!"

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin (1903-1977)

So I did it. I was direct. The world did not stop spinning, I did not lose the part I already had, and I now have a shot at getting ALL of what I want because I had the nerve to make my desire known. In this case, the "results" will not be "in" immediately...I'll have to wait and see what happens.

But you know what? I feel lighter, happier and proud of myself. THIS feeling is great, and I realize now that if I do lose the part I already had, then maybe it wasn't really "better than nothing" after all.