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'I don't know why you keep trying to be nice to her when she's made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with you.'

I don't know why it is so hard sometimes to see the truth. I had wanted so much for her to like me. I had tried so hard and turned my cheek so many times. I don't know why there were no thank you's for gifts or acknowledgement of things I'd done, no visits when I had three surgeries, no phone calls, no cards, no birthday or mother's day celebrations. It was so hard for me to understand how someone I cared for so deeply could show such little regard for me. I don't know why it's so hard for me to acknowledge that some people just don't like me. ME!!??

Impossible, I think. I'm loving, adorable, kind, and just a good person. I don't understand. I'd taken some gifts to her for the baby in waiting and she didn't even say thank you. I don't know why she almost resented me. I don't know why she hadn't said thank you for her birthday flowers, either, when I'd gone out of my way to get flowers to match her colors at home and taken time out of my schedule to bring them by. Even when I'd made a salad for the Christmas dinner, as she asked me to, and my son came in to ask where the salad was she merely said 'Oh, no one needed it anyway!' No one got up to get the salad out of the refrigerator and, yet, I was told later that she loved the salad and went out to buy all the different ingredients the next week.

Staying in the 'I don't know why' state develops resentments that lead only to frustration and pain as we re-live, re-experience and re-create those experiences in our life.

The simple truth is that we may not know why some things happen. We can, however, learn our own life lessons, take the wisdom, leave the rest behind and move on.

Not everyone is able to accept love and caring. Not everyone is open to receiving. Some people have been so damaged that they become cold, heartless, and shut down. Some people have had to build walls to keep any emotions out that might potentially destroy them as they live a life of fear.

I learned that not everyone is going to be nice to me. I learned that not everyone is going to like me. I learned that there are people I can let go of with love, blessing them, and allowing them to have their own opinions and attitudes in life. Their opinions and attitudes do not have to be mine.

I learned that I can choose to be around people who love me and who want me to be in their lives. I do not have to choose to be around people who clearly don't want me there.

I learned that sometimes we have to wake up and smell the roses and realize that we deserve better in our lives. We do not have to settle.

I learned that I choose to be acknowledged, appreciated, and treated with loving care and kindness. I not only choose this, I deserve it.

I learned that choices are not always easy sometimes, but being honest with ourselves is essential.

As you move through your life, remember that every experience is a blessing, a gift that allows you to gain a piece of wisdom that will make you stronger.

When you have a life experience that confronts you with your own 'don't know why', give yourself the opportunity to learn the wisdom, release the past and move forward with confidence, love, and courage. Become grateful for feeling your emotions as a confirmation that you have chosen to fully participate in life.

In these precious moments, you move beyond limitations and move into your full magnificent empowered identity, free from the ties that bind.

Copyright 2005 Debbie Friedman