Article Surfing Archive

Many of us mistakenly believe that it's wrong or conceited, to think we have any good qualities. We may spend a lot of time berating ourselves for our negative qualities, thinking that self criticism is the key to improving our performance. However, a constant focus on our supposed shortcomings can hinder our efforts to make friends with other people.

How can we have the confidence to make new friends if we think we don't have much to offer? How can we believe that others could like us if we believe our inner being is flawed? Or if we think we are too boring to interest anyone else?

We may wonder what anyone else would see in us if we don't see any good in ourselves. In order for others to be attracted to us, they must be able to easily see our best qualities. If we focus on our good qualities we will have much more confidence that we have something of value to offer in a relationship.

If you wish to be socially successful, it's important to accept the fact that not everybody is going to like you under all circumstances. Not everyone is going to like the package you come in, especially on first meeting you. Every person has a unique pattern of likes and dislikes which were formed long before they met you. Don't think you have to condemn yourself as a failure if it seems that someone else doesn't like you.

If someone seems to dislike you, the reason for that dislike might have little or nothing to do with you. The person who doesn't like you might be fearful, or shallow, or busy or shy. Perhaps you and that person are simply a mismatch for each other at this particular time.

Don't take yourself out of the game by deciding that your flaws are bigger than your assets. In fact, some of the very qualities you consider to be flaws may be irresistible to someone else. For all the factors that might cause one person to reject you, there are at least as many factors that will work in your favor with someone else.

You might be thirty pounds over your ideal weight, but you may have a wonderful laugh and a huge zest for life. There are many people to whom your extra pounds will literally be invisible. You may drive a shabby car, but you might be a great dancer and a loyal friend. There are people out there looking for loyalty, or fun, or sweetness, or wit, and the package it comes in is not important.

If you are worried that you are not beautiful enough to attract friends, keep in mind that not everyone is looking for physical beauty in their friends.

You can decide to feel inferior because you don't have much money and you don't drive a nice car. You can believe that this is the reason that you don't have many friends in your life. On the other hand, if you are very wealthy you may be suspicious that everyone is after your money and that nobody really likes you as a person.

The point is, you can fixate on just about anything and believe it's the reason you do not have friends and cannot make any.

Here is an easy way to remind yourself of what your good qualities are: write down a list of your good qualities and review it often. Don't just think in your mind about what your good qualities might be, actually make the effort to write the list. The act of writing helps to reinforce the strength of the ideas in your mind. Don't be embarrassed to give yourself credit for your good points. If you don't have any idea what your good points might be, you might want to ask some of the people you know.

When you compile your list of good qualities, be as generous in your praise as your best friend in the whole wide world would be! If you don't have any best friends yet, imagine in your mind a wise and loving friend who knows you truly and appreciates you. What would that person say are your good points?

Here are some ideas that might be applicable to you. Feel free to adjust this list for yourself and add to it.

My good qualities are:

• I'm kind
• I never gossip
• I go out of my way to help others
• I'm good with numbers
• I have a calm disposition
• I know a lot about sports

You can keep your list with you and read it over every day. Add to it whenever you think of new good qualities you discover in yourself. Be alert for compliments that other people give you. The positive qualities that others see in you can go on your list as well.

When you are out there meeting people, frequently remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you have. It's only a matter of time before you meet other people who will appreciate them too!

Learn to relax. Instead of berating yourself for some perceived shortcoming, concentrate on the good qualities you have to offer. Realize that there is an audience for your particular combination of gifts, and go looking for those people who will appreciate them.

This article is an excerpt from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled 'Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends' available at http://www.royanereal.com