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Loneliness is the absence of self. Solitude is fullness of self. May Sarton

When you feel lonely, it seems that loneliness is the truth of your whole existence. You may have experienced love and friendly camaraderie just yesterday, but now it seems you must have been kidding yourself. Today's loneliness, because it's so familiar, seems to be the only reality. It must be real, you think, because it hurts so much. But although loneliness is so very painful, it's not real at all.

Loneliness is only fear in disguise. It's a fear of not being connected to anything or anyone. Here in the present moment, you are always okay. Even if you feel disconnected, that's just a feeling. You are okay. What makes you hurt is the fear that you'll never feel connected again. What makes you hurt is that you're living in the future, which disconnects you from yourself right now.

The proof of this is that loneliness is not about your situation. It can happen when you're in a room full of people. In fact, when the voice of fear gets your attention in a room full of people, you'll have one of the loneliest experiences there is. There are six billion people on this planet. Feeling alone is not about the absence or presence of other people. It's about you being present for your own life.

You may be the only person in the room while you're reading these words, yet not feel lonely at all. That's because you are engaged in the moment, focused on what's right in front of you, so you are connected to yourself. As long as you stay in the moment, you get a reprieve from fear. And you and I are communicating, which means we are sharing an experience of communion. When you enjoy a walk at a state park, you may not see another person for miles, yet you can enjoy knowing that you are an integral part of the natural order.

Many of us think we are hurting because of loneliness, and we think that if we find the right person, he or she will take us to a place called love. But I have a friend who says that the trick is to switch that around. There's nothing wrong with wanting friendship and romance, but it won't take you anywhere. You must first go to the place of Love, and meet the people who ' like you - are already there.

So how do you go to that place of Love? You behave like someone who is in love. You sing to yourself in the shower. You take wonderful care of yourself. You look for opportunities to be of service to other people, because you realize that brings you happiness. You don't sit around waiting for others to do for you, but you graciously allow them to give to you, because you know it adds to their happiness.

You become willing to believe that you not only have all the love you need. You are the love you're looking for. Believing that is not an intellectual exercise. It's an experience. Ironically, the best way to court that experience is to spend some time alone every day, meditating on the truth that love is here now, that you are in love, and that you are love.