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Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 31, 2003

I don't drive and have health problems. I have a friend who runs an under-the-table errand service. She is one of my closest friends so I rely on her. I always give her sufficient money for her time, and she has helped me out in many situations.

There have been two times in a row where she has blown me off. Both times she was to take me to a doctor appointment. The first time she did not call me in advance as she always did, so I called her. She said, "I can't talk, I'm running out the door." She hung up before I got to say a word. She called me back at midnight and said she was really sorry, she forgot.

I thought she probably did and went on with my business, though she ruined my plans and I ended up in a jam because of it. Last week I had a very important doctor's appointment. I called her well in advance, and she confirmed it twice during the week. But the time came when she was supposed to call and pick me up, and she never called.

So I called her. There was no answer. Today she basically blamed the whole thing on me, saying, "I was home sitting around waiting for your call. I don't understand why you didn't get through."

The long and the short of it is I don't know if I am being na've, or is this just two strange coincidences. I don't want to accuse her of anything, but assessing the situation, I wonder if she doesn't want to do it and won't tell me directly. That would not offend me. I would make other arrangements. What do you think?

Zeta

Zeta, some years ago two basketball teams from the state of Ohio were contending for the national championship. The fans from Ohio State thought their team was better than the University of Cincinnati, and they were shocked when the other school won the national basketball title.

For a year the Ohio State fans claimed it was a fluke that Cincinnati won. But guess what? The next year the University of Cincinnati won again. That inspired some Cincinnati fans to rent a billboard near the Ohio State campus. The message on the billboard read, "Well, what do you know? Two flukes in a row!"

Why would you expect up-front behavior from someone working under the table? It's time to make other arrangements. Two flukes in a row are a message.

Wayne

Conviction

If a woman has not found her soul mate by age 30, she might as well give up! It is all very nice to talk about "not giving up early" as you do, when you are in a strong, loving, and respectful marriage.

Men have it easier. Men's idea of marriage is to have someone to abuse. They find a sweet, nice, gentle girl like I once was and expect her to just take it. Women are supposed to be so grateful some man, any man, would have them.

God does not in reality care about those of us who are heartsick.

Yvette

Yvette, for most people the good things in life don't happen until later. Our local newspaper publishes the age of people applying for marriage licenses. In today's paper, more than 60 percent of both the men and the women are over 30.

Tennyson wrote, "How dull it is to pause, to make an end, to rust unburnished, not to shine in use!" The aim of life, he said, is "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

Most of our problems come from the six inches between our ears. Once you believe something is true, it is true. For you. Paradoxically, we cannot change until we believe we can, and once we've changed, we won't need belief. We know it is true.

Tamara