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The other day I was having a interesting conversation with an acquaintance, but it soon turned out to be surprising and unpleasant. The other person blurted out an unwelcome comment, in a tactful manner by pin pointing a personal issue within the conversation.

What did I do? I immediately gave her an answer back within the conversation as well. It was subtle unlike my husband who would stop her dead in her tracks without sugar coating. What I think is wrong with his tactic? Not much, only that I would prefer it for someone who can't keep their mouth shut all the time. Sometimes people speak without thinking, so I like to give them the benefit of the doubt.

What do we have in common? Even though we have different tactics, we both make an effort to defend ourselves. I'm sure some are wondering what ever happened with turning the other cheek theory? Is just not that healthy, when ever someone tries to make you feel inferior by making sarcastic remarks, name calling, joking at your expense, disregarding your opinion etc. it is verbal abuse, and believe it or not it can affect your self esteem a great deal. Next time someone intents to maliciously tear down your confidence, in a firm voice say/do one of the followings

• stop taking out your problems on me,
• ask the person to repeat the comment again this usually *gets bullies to back down,
• ask if he is having some problems,
• and my all time favorite ridiculing their opinion and laughing at them
• say what I do is none of your own business
• do leave if you perceive any physical danger
• don't hang or stay around people with abusive personalities

There are many other tactics that can help you stop this behavior. You can choose the method that best fits your personality or situation, but what ever you do make sure you let him/her know that their behavior is unacceptable.

Think about how good it feels when you stand up for yourself versus staying quiet in resentment. I understand that some of us are more incline to avoiding conflict and keeping harmony and that is fine. In fact I used to be like that, its just that some times you have to take a stand and set your boundaries or else people will walk all over you. Believe me I learned this the hard way; you can be calm and peaceful as long as you speak your mind and set your foot down. Besides who says you have to accept anyone's definition of who you are.

Don't give your right away,

Kenia Morales